Just not feeling it.

I don't know what my problem is.

Everyday, I sit down to write a new blog and nothing comes to mind. I've got writer's block.

hmmmmm... here are some random thoughts.

-I'm taking small steps to make myself happier and in turn my family is benefiting too.

-I've relaxed some this month with the whole TTC thing and was a little shocked yesterday when I realized I didn't know what cycle day I was on. (crap, now I can't remember today, maybe 11 or 12???)

-I spoke to my best friend last night (who lives in Houston). It's been forever since we've talked, she was in India for 6 weeks. It doesn't matter how much time passes between our conversations, it seems like it was yesterday.

-I can't believe how fast Christmas is creeping up on me this year. I keep putting things off, I really need to get my butt in gear.

-We've decided not to send Christmas cards this year. Every year, we spend probably $150 on cards and postage. I would much rather spend that $$$ on my children, the eyes I can see light up on Christmas morning.

-Tomorrow is the last class of the semester for Mac's Mommy and Me. We always have a potluck, I'm bringing Sweet Potato Crunch. Yummy Yummy! Here's the recipe:

~3 large sweet potatoes (or canned)
~4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) of butter
~2 eggs
~1/3 cup of evaporated milk
~1 teaspoon vanilla
~1/2 cup sugar
~Topping:
-1/3 cup butter, melted and cooled
-1 cup brown sugar (light)
-1/2 cup flour
-1 cup chopped pecans (more if you like)

Bake sweet potatoes at 350 degrees until tender, approx 45 min.- 1 hr. Mash potatoes and remove outer skins (if using canned, just mash).
Combine potatoes and next 5 ingredients in a mixer.
~ 4 Tbs butter, eggs, evap. milk, vanilla, sugar
Spread in a greased baking dish

For the topping: Mix 1/3 cup butter, brown sugar, flour, and pecans.
Spread over potatoes.
Bake at 350 degrees until topping is hard and crusty.

Serves 6

ENJOY!

At a Loss For Words...

I know, strange for me....

I belong to an incredible support group for TTC/Pregnant friends.
I've built strong relationships with these ladies and I love them ALL so much...
they provide so much support and encouragement...
and I couldn't be happier for them.

But there's a problem...

Out of 20+ members, there are only about 5 "stragglers" or should I say strugglers who are still TRYING TO CONCEIVE... and I'm one of them.

I'm not saying that I feel "out of the loop", it's just that I want to feel more "IN the loop" and the only way for that to happen is to GET KNOCKED UP!

I've come to the realization that I'm a minority, and it HURTS. It doesn't matter where I go, there are beautiful baby-filled bellies everywhere.

I want one too, DAMN IT!

You know, people say "just have fun, relax, and it'll happen", but my "strugglers" know that it's not that easy!

Babies are made from their parents LOVE...
and effort,
and pain,
and tears!

*Please Lord, ease my mind. Amen*

I Changed My Mind.

I've decided that I WILL use the Prometrium again this cycle.
My period arrived less than 48 hours after the last Prometrium pill at just 12.5 dpo. That tells me that I may still need some progesterone supplementation. I'm going to try to go with Lucas to the Dr. on Thurs. so I can get "first-hand" information, ask questions, and sneak in a couple questions about myself too.

I'm on CD 2 today and already feeling "over" this 2 week wait, although I promised myself that I'd relax a bit this cycle and try to enjoy the process a little more.
I know I'm young, but I feel that with every "missed" cycle, I'm losing time.
I realize that God knows the desires of my heart, but I wish that our timeframes were in sync with each other.
This is Month 8, and Cycle 9 of TTC!

*Dear Lord Jesus, I pray today and ask that You guide our Dr's mind with Your wisdom, that You heal mine and Lucas' bodies, and I ask for peace in knowing that we will conceive again in Your time. In Your Name, I pray, AMEN*


I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving and that you will all have a blessed HOLIDAY SEASON with the people you love!

Negativo

Well, I finally got up the courage to take a home pregnancy test this afternoon.
BIG FAT NEGATIVE! at 12 days past ovulation

I've been cramping mildly for the past 1 1/2 days, it feels like my period is on it's way.
I'll stop the Prometrium immediately and I'm sure I'll start bleeding by Thursday.

Lucas and I talked again about our "plan of action"
He made an appt to talk with his Dr next Thurs about what could possibly be the cause of our difficulties.
Next Cycle:
-I'll continue B6
-No OPKs (ovulation predictor kits)
-No "planned" sex
-No Prometrium
-I'll give BBT (taking my temp) a shot again just so that I know when I O'd and if my LP is long enough.

So to sum it up, we will try to put the spice back into it.

Partners in Crime!

I seriously don't know what I'd do without my TTC/Pregnant friends online. It gets to the point in the TTC journey where no one in real life wants to hear about it anymore. Whereas the online friends (DOOPS girls- you know who you are) could talk about it till the end of time. They will support all your decisions, sometimes they'll be a make-shift Dr, they'll cry and laugh with you, and they'll beg to see a picture of your latest pee-stick so they can manipulate the pic until everyone's seeing double lines.

I truly value their support: their opinions and advice, their way of clarifying a situation, their heartfelt thoughts and prayers, their constant shoulders for crying on, and their hands for picking me back up.

I love yall!

And for my Partners in Crime, -M-, -A-, and -J-, I love yall even more!!!

Adventures on Prometrium

My side effects so far:

Let's see how many of these I can complain about?

(Abdominal cramping, back pain, bloating- just stick a pin in me, breast tenderness or pain, chest pain- happened last night when I breathed in deeply, constipation, coughing- might be from a dry throat and sinus drainage though, depression, diarrhea- yep, dizziness, emotional instability- omg yes, poor Lucas, fatigue, headache, hot flashes, irritability- is this the same as bitchiness ?, joint pain, muscle pain, nausea, night sweats, swelling of hands and feet, upper respiratory infection, urinary problems, vaginal discharge- uh yah, I expected this one (What goes in, must come out), vaginal dryness- how about irritation (sure is itchy down there), viral infection-damn it, are you serious, I do feel a cold coming on AGAIN, vomiting, worry )

So there you have it. This drug is a fun trip!

I'm 5 dpo (days past ovulation) today. As recommended by Dr. Cool, I'll start peeing on a stick in 5 more days (Sunday)! He wants me to test earlier so that a) I can call him about our plan of action if I'm pregnant and b) because I have to stop the meds within a reasonable amount of time if I'm not pregnant.

At 5dpo, the blastocyst is making it's way to the end of the fallopian tube and into the uterine cavity, where it will begin implantation into the endometrial lining soon.

So, I gotta question for all the psychics out there:
Am I pregnant?
What day will I get my +++ pregnancy test?

p.s.- Swami Sydni said November was my month and since my cycles are shorter, I got 2 chances for November.

That's all for now, maybe more a little later.

Tales from the Hoo-Ha

So, I mentioned before about the previous non-existant blog being about TTC (trying to conceive) and such. I'll include some of that here too.

A little history:
I had a miscarriage in Aug. '08. We lost our baby (who I fondly call Snow Pea) at 7 weeks. We found out the day I had the miscarriage that my progesterone and HCG levels were very low. The Dr. gave me a prescription for Prometrium to raise the progesterone level. However, I only got to take one pill before we lost the baby.
I've been walking around for the past 3 months with the the pill bottle in my purse. I don't know why, maybe as a physical reminder of the baby we lost, who knows?
Anyways, I went to my new Dr. a week ago to try and figure out what's going on with my crazy cycles (periods). My cycles have become shorter in length, the luteal phase (second half of cycle) has become too short to support a pregnancy, and my bleeding has become irregular and shorter as well. I know what you're thinking, why is she complaining about shorter periods??? Because I think that my uterine lining is not thickening enough for a baby to implant. So, new doc (who I'll call Dr. Cool) says "what would you like to do"? I mentioned the progesterone pills that were still in my purse and he says "ok, we can give that a shot, it should help to build up your lining and lengthen the luteal phase". YES!- the doc agreed with me. However, he wasn't too sure about how the pills should be used in women who are TTC. You see, Prometrium is commonly prescribed to pre-menopausal women, and women who have unusually long cycles. He suggested that I take 2 pills a day starting a day or two after I ovulate (yes, I know when I ovulate- it's a silly obsession).
After doing lots of research, I decided that I'll try taking just 1 pill a day (200mg) at night from 1-2 days after O (ovulation) to 13-14dpo (days past ovulation)- vaginally. Yes, you heard me right- VAGINALLY.

Thus the title "Tales from the HooHa", tonight will be day one of shoving a little pill up my you know what in hopes that it'll help a little baby snuggle in a little easier (hoping we caught one this month- another story for another time) .

Yay for you, you get to join me in my Adventures on Prometrium! Taking it vaginally should reduce some of the nasty side-effects (Abdominal cramping, back pain, bloating, breast tenderness or pain, chest pain, constipation, coughing, depression, diarrhea, dizziness, emotional instability, fatigue, headache, hot flashes, irritability, joint pain, muscle pain, nausea, night sweats, swelling of hands and feet, upper respiratory infection, urinary problems, vaginal discharge, vaginal dryness, viral infection, vomiting, worry ) and increase it's absorption. Sounds like fun, huh? Wish ME and MY UTERUS Good Luck!